he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
