I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Drake has all the answers
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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