You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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