i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
