This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
