every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
