careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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