I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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