I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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