Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
