How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
