well you can't waste a boner
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
