Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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