I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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