oh god the rape fog is back!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
