We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
