I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
