College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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