Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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