No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
