I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
