cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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