You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let's get the cat blown out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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