Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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