Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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