Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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