she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
