drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
