he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
