i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
