im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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