My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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