I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
