So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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