Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
