i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
