We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
