Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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