My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
