i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
