Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
