So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Someone shattered a urinal.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
