Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
