Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
