ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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