He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
