She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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