I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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