we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
