He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
