woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
