So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
