i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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