He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.