we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor