I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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