When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
