I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
