Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
