My sheets look like a crime scene.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
