If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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