I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
