words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
