I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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