Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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