so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
