Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
