I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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