Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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