I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
