here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
