I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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