Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
