U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
