I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
