He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
